Familiar Taste Of Poison
by Synnerxx
Summary: Desire never leaves. She could fight this, but she doesn't want to win.


**Pairings: Charlie/Jill, Hank/Jill**

**Warnings: Het, angst**

**Author's Notes: I can't believe I wrote het without the slightest bit of slash. I didn't think I had it in me. Don't worry, Hank/Evan is still my OTP. :D I just heard this song and thought this up during my Spainsh class. XD Song is "Familiar Taste Of Poison" by Halestorm and I don't own it or Royal Pains.**

* * *

Jill leaned against the railing on her deck, contemplating the the relationships she has with Charlie and Hank. The differences were huge, but they each had their good points.

Hank, for instance, she knew would put her on a pedestal and treat her like a princess. That was all well and good, but Hank was too nice. She could see herself taking advantage of him and walking all over him. Though he usually wasn't that type of guy, but she knew that he would let her. And she just couldn't do that to him.

_Drink the wine_

_My darling, you said_

_Take your time (take your time)_

_And consume all of it_

Charlie was the bad boy. He had the motorcycle and the leather jacket and the attitude. That's what had drawn her to him in the first place. Then as they had started talking and becoming friends, she realised that, not only was he a bad boy, he was intelligent. He treated her well. She wasn't on a pedestal with him, but she didn't need to be. They were equals. He had the backbone to stand up to her and put her back in her place and she did the same to him.

_Bu the roses were only to drain my inspiration_

_The promises (promises)_

_Were scorned before they left your lips_

Then Charlie had left her. He had gone all over the world, chasing things she didn't care to dwell on. She remember the times when it had been her he chased. Before they had gotten married. People said they had rushed into it and that it wasn't going to last. She hadn't believed them. Then Charlie chose his travels over her and she had the sinking suspicion that they were right. Nothing was made to last forever and their forever had been very short.

_And I breathe you in again_

_Just to feel you_

_Underneath my skin_

Time had passed. She filed for divorce. He left before she could make him sign the papers. She got letters and postcards, sometimes with pictures. She kept them all in the bottom drawer of her dresser in a shoe box. She met Hank who was so sweet and amazing and she wished she could love him like she did Charlie, but that spark just wasn't there. And it killed her.

_Holding on to _

_The sweet escape is always laced with a_

_Familiar taste of poison_

Then Charlie had come waltzing back into her life like he had never left. Like he expected her to welcome him back home with open arms. To tell the truth, she had wanted too. The temptation to unlock the box where she had shoved all the emotions she felt for him and unlock it. Set them free, but she didn't want to take that chance again. Didn't want to risk getting hurt again.

_I tell myself_

_That you're no good for me_

_I wish you well (wish you well)_

_But desire never leaves_

She pushed him away under the pretense of dislike and anger. She used Hank to make him jealous. To hurt him like he hurt her. Show him the true meaning of pain and heartbreak. Poor Hank, though. In the process of getting back at Charlie, she had hurt him too. That wasn't what she wanted, but it turned out she couldn't have what she did want and didn't want what she could have. She knew that Hank was getting tired of being jerked around and was tired of waiting for her to finish playing this juggling act she had going on. She needed to choose.

_I could fight this _

_'Til the end_

_But maybe I don't wanna win_

She still loved Charlie. Plain and simple. There was no more denying it because she was tired of the lies and the secrets. Hank was a great man, but he just wasn't for her. She was sorry that she had used him like she had and led him on with false promises, but she was glad that he had shown her who she truly loved.

_I breathe you in again_

_Just to feel you_

_Underneath my skin_

When she had found Charlie in her house—their house—she had been relieved. He was back and he was willing to settle down with her and love her. They could have the life she'd wanted for so long. He brought the wine out to her and leaned against the railing next to her, watching the sunset.

_Holding on to_

_The sweet escape is always laced with a_

_Familiar taste of poison_

They passed the bottle back and forth between them. When it was empty, Charlie set it on the railing and turned to face her, dark eyes smoldering. She shuddered as she remembered what that look led to. He kissed her then, softly at first, then with more passion as she kissed back. It felt so different than kissing Hank. Charlie was more aggressive, while Hank was relaxed and let her set the pace.

_I don't wanna be saved_

_I don't wanna be so polite_

_Want you on my mind_

They barely made it back into the bedroom before they were both stripped and panting. It was amazing to be back in his arms, feeling him move inside her, touching places only he could. The passion boiled over and they curled against one another, drawing comfort in their touch. It was good that he was back. She felt complete again.

_In my dreams_

_Behind these eyes_

_And I wanna wake up_

_No, not this time_

It felt too good to be real. They didn't fight at all, everything was going so smoothly that Jill was becoming anxious for something to go wrong because she was just feeling way too damn good. Their days were filled with the hustle and bustle of the hospital, their nights spent being slaves to their passions. There was no more hole in her heart.

_I breathe you in again_

_Just to feel you_

_Underneath my skin_

She still saw Hank and they were friendly, if somewhat awkward and strained. He had forgiven her for all that she had done and understood it in a way, having been engaged before. They had both realised that they had just been lonely, trying to make each other fit in places they weren't meant to go.

_Holding on to _

_The sweet escape is always laced with a_

_Familiar taste of poison_

She was happy. For the first time since Charlie left, she was really, truly happy and it felt great. It was an invincible feeling. Nothing could stop her or stand in her way. The clinic was finally back on schedule and her personal life and love life were back in order and the pieces fit in the puzzle again. The right ones this time.

_A familiar taste of poison_

_A familiar taste of poison_

There was nothing that could go wrong that they couldn't get through together. There was no more poison in her life, though she still remembered that familiar taste.


End file.
